Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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