how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
