Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
