yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
