So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
