Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
