Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
