and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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