he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I lost the right to judge tonight
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
