wrigley field is MILF paradise
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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