And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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