I can tuck mytits in my pants
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
