so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
