I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize