Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
