i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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