I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
