i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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