Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
