how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize