i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
