My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
