you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
