ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
