Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
