physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
