and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
