I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
