i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
