oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The air was thick with penises
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
