There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
