I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
