Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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