halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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