non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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