I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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