I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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