they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
