well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
