So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize