how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
