I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
