sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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