I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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