Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
