Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
