Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
