Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
