I'm lost and stupid without you.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
