I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
