new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
