this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
