What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
