very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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