We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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