I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
