So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
