I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You had me at "let me see your balls"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
