some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize