You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
