those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
