xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
