He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is Oprah even human
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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