She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
