Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
