Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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