babies were throwing up all over the place
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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