4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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