I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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