I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
