loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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