I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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