sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
