we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Randomize
