Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
