There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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