the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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