Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
