I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
